WRITTEN BY GUEST WRITER JONI BOYD
God is always there
There was a time in my life when it felt like the pain and weight I carried would be something I’d just have to learn to manage. There was no hope for the darkness to turn to light. That the ‘death’ I felt inside was permanent.
Once my life was in darkness…
I was five when I was first sexually abused.
I disassociated so thoroughly that it wasn’t until I was a mum, having prayer ministry due to post-natal depression, that it all came out: as a child and through my teenage years I had been sexually abused.
And I kept it to myself. Largely because I had disassociated and was in complete denial, but also to protect those around me. Our family was in so much pain already with multiple marriage breakdowns and domestic violence, and I didn’t want to add to that.
I remember sitting in the prayer counsellor’s room as a young mother, my long-lost memories unravelling, feeling empty and broken and lost as I relived experiences that had happened at such a young age. The hopelessness of wounds so deep that I’d grown up ‘around’ them. Without realising, what happened had somehow become part of who I was.
I was a shell.
And then God brought light…
Sitting in the midst of pain and emptiness was when I saw God. He was there, in the room where it was happening, back when I was five. Sitting by the wall, crying, sobbing, in desperate pain. He was watching, unable to take away the free will of the man who was choosing to use it this way.
God was there, hurting and grieving with me.
I was never alone in the muck and mess of it all.
Seeing how He hurt for me and with me, in that moment? It was enough for me to never ask Him – why? – or where were You? Because I knew where He was – He was right there with me in that room. And so it didn’t matter why, because I knew Who held me through it all. And that was more than enough.
Want to read other stories of healing? Read Amy’s Story.
There is always more…
And the beauty of this story? It doesn’t end there.
Earlier this year He took me back there, during worship. Back to where it was happening. And again, He was in the room, crying, sobbing in agony for my pain. But this time the story continued.
“When I saw this happening to you, I knew there was only one way you’d ever be able to heal from this pain,” He told me. “I knew I had to die, to separate you from the power of sin and death, so you could go and live the life I created you for.”
So God did. He went and did what needed to be done. He paid the price for my pain. He died that gruesome death on the cross, broke the power of sin and death, destroyed the chains holding me to that event and those wounds and that person.
Then God took me to see Him in the tomb, where He was lying, cheek resting on the cold stone, lifeless. His eyes opened and He gasped His first resurrected breath and thought, “It’s done. Now she can be healed. My girl can be free.”
Want to know to hear God’s voice? Read more here.
God can turn darkness to light for you
Friend, He did the same for you. He sees the moments of the deepest pain in your life. When you hit rock bottom, receive that news or experience abuse, He is there, He sees. And He knew what He needed to do so you could live free from that.
When He was crucified, He did it so you could be saved and healed. He did it because You are fully loved by Him and He wants you to live the life He created you for.
And when He took that first resurrected breath? He thought of You. “It is done,” He said. “Now she can be healed. My girl can be free.”
Did you know that it is possible for us to live free from the effects of sin (ours and others’)? Something incredible happened when Jesus died, that the devil didn’t count on. By killing Someone who was completely blameless and pure, the enemy enabled the most perfect sacrifice, more perfect than anything that ever could’ve been offered by us under the old covenant. This means sin, yours or others’, is no longer a part of you or has any hold over you. Nothing is more powerful than this and nothing can cancel it out (see Romans 6:10). It’s our job to allow Him to teach us how to live this out: living by what our spirit knows, rather than by what our flesh believes.
Want to read more about what it means to be fully known and loved by God? Read here.
God has separated you from the impact of sin
Living for Jesus is so much more than saying a prayer and gaining access to Heaven. His blood has separated us from our transgressions – and those committed against us – as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). Because He not only delivered us from our own sin, but from the impact of others’ sin on us.
Because Jesus was the perfect sacrifice, our spirit was resurrected in the newness of life, which means we were raised again – perfect. Our spirit was resurrected as we were originally created to be, without the brokenness of humanity or the impacts of sin, just as we would’ve been, if Adam and Eve had never eaten the fruit. Just sit with that thought for a moment. He heals us and recreates us to be who He originally created us to be. Incredible!
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.Ephesians 2:10
Despite what has happened in our lives, our spirit was resurrected to freedom and fullness and wholeness, as if none of it ever happened. Because sin has been separated from us, as far as the east is from the west. That’s our sin – and sin committed against us. So this means that we can live as if none of the trauma or pain ever happened, as our faith increases and we learn to trust that what the Bible says is true.
As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”Psalm 103:12
Read more about your identity in Jesus.
Will you allow God to heal you?
Can I challenge you to ask Him?
Ask God about that ‘death’ inside you. The deepest pain that’s been there so long it feels like it’s a part of who you are. Can you bring it to Him and see what He says?
Let God be your Father.
He’s already done the work, let Him teach you how to live it.
Meet Joni Boyd
Joni lives in the Hawkesbury region of NSW with her husband, three teens and a rabble of chooks and pups. She’s committed to learning how to proactively build a deeper, more intimate relationship with Jesus by sinking deep into His Word and His goodness. It’s a journey and you’re welcome to join! Instagram @sheisplanted / sheisplanted.net.